When I was 20-years-old, I dated a 28-year-old woman. She was an attorney with her own house and car, a living incarnate of who we say we want to be when we grow up. (Except for the fact that she was also a single mother, which was by no means a handicap on her part, just I’m sure, not part of any woman’s plans.)
We were together for a year-and-a-half, and when I say together, I mean, meet-the-parents, meet-the-child together. And yes, the arrangement was every bit as unusual as it sounds, with me playing the role of lightweight step-daddy at such a young age, and her, years removed from college, coming by to visit me in my dorm room every now and then. Though I think one of the reasons we were able to last for as long as we did was because we took our age difference in stride, and enjoyed the good parts of each other.
Of course, I also learned or rather, developed, an appreciation for older women.
To this day, even at 28-years-old, when dating an older woman means something a little different than it did at 20-years-old, I still find some appeal in talking to a woman who is 30+. This is not to say younger women who are 25-and-under are any less appreciated. The older I get, the younger the women get, and the more flexibility I have to allow myself to the point where now my rule isn’t based on some arbitrary number, but rather, where they are in school. If they’re still in undergrad, I don’t date them because I don’t date women who still have dreams.
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I’m kidding.
But anyway, back to the appeal of an older woman, and what it is about them. It’s honestly a lot of things, but there is this one thing in particular.
With a 30-year-old woman, everything she did in her 20′s is completely wiped away from the record, unless it happened in the two weeks leading up to her 30th birthday, for which she will have to undergo a year of intense review. Rare exceptions can be extended as far back as 27-years-old, but no younger.
It took me years to grow out of my concern for a woman’s past. When I was younger, especially around my early 20s, I did everything I could to avoid a woman who had a long history or noted reputation. Even if there was no evidence of one, I was concerned she was just doing a good job of hiding it.
With my older woman, no such concerns were there. As I met more and more women in the 27-30+ years group, and became more involved with a few of them, I noticed how much I generally don’t care about the wild time they had back in college at Spring Break, mostly because it was years ago. So long as they’re not still going to the same destination at 30, we’re in a good place.
Meanwhile, over in the land of 25-year-old and under girls, whenever we get into a conversation about the things they used to do, I think to myself, “When was that, yesterday? Last week?” Their Spring Break stories are still fresh, they just happened. I can’t deal. I’m thinking not enough years have gone by and I could be totally wrong, maybe they got it in before they were I don’t know, 21, but still. A woman who is 25 and under is still living the life the woman 27 years and older wants to write about.
Of course, now some women who are under 25 are already taking offense. They probably think I’m implying they are a lot more loose than the women who are 27 and older. Hardly the case, youngsters!
Here’s the difference between a loose woman who is under 25 and a loose woman who is 27-30+ (to all my 26-year-old readers, consider it your year of transition): A loose woman under 25-years-old doesn’t believe she is who she is, whereas a loose woman 27-30+ owns her looseness. Both groups of women know where they’re from, only one group knows where they’re at.
Of course, let’s take loose women out of it, so I can avoid the whole “Why we gotta be loose, Jozen” questions. Let’s just talk about both groups of women in general.
In my experience, a lot of women under 25-years-old don’t really embrace who they are, so much as they embrace the idea of who they are. Everything they do is a try-out to either see if they like doing it, and when I say everything, I mean everything from certain sexual-acts to their careers. Their journey is one of self-discovery, like driving through the residential neighborhoods, speeding up one minute, slowing down the next, all because they’re concerned others are watching.
A woman who is 27-30+ no longer has any ideas of who she wants to be. Everything she does is a reflection of who she is. Sure there may be some insecurities all because they’re at this age where they thought certain things would come into fruition and they still haven’t, but at least they know where the insecurity stems from. There are no illusions of grandeur from them. They’re able to blend an appreciation for what they have with a strong desire for what they want.
As I’ve gotten older, and met more women who are younger than me and women who are older than me, I have generally learned age is only but a small factor in the equation. The other thing I’ve learned: No matter how old the woman is, she is probably going to disagree with everything I just wrote.